Feeling My Age

My lawnmower is gone. He moved away to college. With his departure, my wife and I took off the business casual clothing of active parents and slid into the comfortable shorts and Hawaiian shirts of empty-nesters. And you know what? It’s weird.
Really.
In the evenings, we no longer have to make sure [...]

Mile Marker Forty-Five

I’ve seen a disturbing number of significant family birthdays and anniversaries this year. My youngest son turned eighteen, my oldest son turned twenty-one, and I turned old. My wife, annoyingly, has remained as youthful and beautiful as ever. She claims this to be the result of clean living, a good attitude and [...]

Bridegroom Boot Camp

Listen up, maggots. You’re here because you’re going to get married soon and it’s my job to see that you do it right. There are plenty of things out there that can endanger a marriage; apathy, infidelity, the inability of the male to share the remote control. I only have a few [...]

Space Invaders

Right after our honeymoon, my wife moved into my apartment. In theory I was in favor of living under the same roof with my new bride; in practice dividing up the living space required extensive negotiations that continue to this day. Part of the problem was the apartment itself.
In terms of roominess, it [...]

Effective Marital Communications

After twenty-three years of marriage, my wife and I have lost the ability to finish our own sentences. Unfortunately, we’ve never gained the power of reliably finishing each other’s sentences. A typical conversation over the dinner table has more gaps than a six-year-old’s smile.
My wife starts strong with something like, “Did you remember [...]